- distance climbed
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
Stats for this page are based 43 standard profile ascents. See what this page looks like using one of the following templates:
|By type||Diff. band||Ascents||Hardest ascent|
|Tick||43||V3||Lemmings 3 years ago|
|Clean||28||21||Pimp Daddy Superstar 3 years ago|
|Lead||20||21||Pimp Daddy Superstar 3 years ago|
|Onsight||11||18||Diddy Kong 3 years ago|
|Flash||3||17||L'Arch 3 years ago|
|Red point||4||21||Pimp Daddy Superstar 3 years ago|
|Second||8||18||The Initiation 2 years ago|
|By style||Diff. band||Ascents||Hardest ascent|
|17||21||Pimp Daddy Superstar 3 years ago|
|16||18||The Initiation 2 years ago|
|10||V3||Lemmings 3 years ago|
|By area||Diff. band||Ascents||Hardest ascent|
|Arapiles||10||V1||Face and flake 2 years ago|
|Felltimber Creek Crag||9||V3||Lemmings 3 years ago|
|Buffalo||8||18||The Initiation 2 years ago|
|Nowra||7||18||Depleted Gonad Circumference 3 years ago|
|18||Diddy Kong 3 years ago|
|The Rock||5||15||Angie 4 years ago|
|15||Scratched Knees 4 years ago|
Ascents by grade and route style
Ascents by grade and tick type
Performance chart by route style
Performance chart by tick type
|Period||Total ascents||Hardest||Performing at|
|General||Pink point||Red point||Flash||Onsight|